Why I support James Perry for Mayor of New Orleans

Dear Friends & Family,

I am forwarding an invitation to an event for this Saturday evening October 10^th, 2009 with Melissa Harris-Lacewell (who you all know I ADORE) and James Perry. I wanted to write to you briefly about why I support James Perry’s candidacy for Mayor of New Orleans. Although I live in Boston and as many of you know, am extremely critical and cynical of our government and political leaders, I believe in James.

He has worked in community service for nearly a decade and completed his law degree in 2004. Currently, James serves as the Executive Director of the Greater New Orleans Fair Housing Action Center that promotes equal housing opportunity. He believes that “Open government must be more than a campaign slogan. It must be a governing philosophy, an ongoing commitment to communicate with citizens.” That is a quote from an interview with the Louisiana Weekly, which can be found at http://www.jamesperry2010.com/, along with other articles about James.

I am not writing to you to ask you to monetarily support James’ campaign as mayoral candidate. Although financial support is appreciated and essential I am asking of you to please learn more about James’ candidacy. Why? As a youth worker and pro-active citizen I am genuinely concerned, but yet optimistic, about the potential of our country and our cities. We deserve accountable leadership. The most effective leaders are those that understand social issues within the community and address challenges with solutions that benefit those that are directly affected. James exhibits the resiliency, perseverance and honesty necessary to serve the people of New Orleans. If James wins I believe that his candidacy will symbolize a new standard of leadership in this country. With appropriate leadership and community engagement it is possible for us as a national community to fight poverty, racism, and violence, to name a few, and progress in areas of economic development and education so that all people prosper, not just a selected few.

James Perry is not another politician. His advocacy work is evident. In August he sued current Mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, and the city for violating the city’s Home Rule Charter by hiring Washington law firms.

To alter the system we need to elect leaders who demonstrate the courage to initiate change from within and recognize that flawed policy and corrupt leaders contribute(d) to the cycle, hindering our communities and promoting stagnancy. We cannot underestimate the power of local leadership. Please check out James’ efforts and if you’re in Boston on Saturday stop by. The recommended donation is $250 to attend, but I know that even if you could only offer $1, it would be appreciated and valued. No one will be turned away if they cannot donate. It is time we collectively joined together to demand leadership that represents and benefits we, the people.

Please feel free to forward this on! Accountability, responsibility, and authenticity in political leadership is a movement, not simply an election.

Sincerely,

Leora

This is an e-mail I sent to my friends and family. The details of the event are as followed: Saturday, October 10th, 2009
Reception: 7:30pm – 9:30pm
Courtyard by Marriott Boston-Cambridge 777 Memorial Drive Cambridge, MA 02139
Suggested contribution: $250

Before Death/Grand daughter

"Babygirl"

(pause)

"Lady Love"

(pause)

"Beauty"

(pause)



She spoke.

"Here give me your hand."

She carefully cupped the top of my hand in her palm/tenderly placed my palm/over her/heart/it beat so strongly/it vibrated/through/each/crack.in my soul/

"Baby Love." silence.

"My heart, your heart, is love." Her fingernails caught my hot tears

My five year-old body collapsed into her chest. Her heart/ beat/ to my dry heaves. She rocked me in her arms like baby love and safety that can only be compared to the way the night sky cradles stars.

She rubbed my back in a circular motion, then up and down my spine with that hand, only a grand/mother could claim, which molded babies
into beings

She delicately stroked my hair
as I wept in her shoulder
The crease in her neck caught my tears
like a basin

It was my river
she named it Sorrow,
called it Grief

As it grew deeper
she
held my little body
tighter
her grasp
grew more
aggressive

My wails more urgent
until they faded into hiccups

There was nothing left
to succumb to
only harmonize with the river,
the flow of my tears

That river,
she named it after me, Sorrow.
Called it Grief.
That river.
That river she named it after me.

White Guilt; a continuation of dialogue and in response

Hello again! Thanks for returning. So I felt the need to instead of responding individually to comments to use the forum of the blog to speak on what arose. Hope you did not think that I forgot about ya’ll! Although I will not be able to speak on everything I hope you can appreciate the more theoretical approach I tried to incorporate. Maybe I will do another piece depending on the response from this one. I think it is important to stress as I did in the last post that this is a complex issue to speak on. I am not going to please everyone and that is not the point. I am speaking my truth, which may or may not be your truth. Please respect that, as I am not here to debate with anyone. However, I will spit facts when appropriate.

I am attempting a dialogue about white guilt because as white people we tend to avoid talking about it with other white people. Now there are different reasons for this. Many whites do not have the vocabulary or knowledge on how to critique and discuss race thoughtfully and effectively. Others are in denial. Then there are white people like myself, from academia/activist circles/etc, that do have the tools, knowledge, and vocabulary to talk about race, but shy away from talking about it with other white people. Why do we do this? And who did I write my last piece for specifically Whites, Blacks, everyone or all of the above? Good questions, thanks for asking.

First question I am going to answer is who was my last piece on White Guilt addressed to? Actually, I wrote it for myself. I needed to speak on white guilt for myself primarily, but had hopes that white people would engage in the discussion with me. I love to share my work because it was the work of my ancestors that have influenced my identity as a White/Jewish/anti-racist/woman/feminist. I think for white people that are not exposed to talking about whiteness they can be (not always) more receptive to understanding whiteness when it comes from a white person. It would be false if I said I did not want a black audience or people of color to read and contribute to the dialogue. Personally I always call upon those voices, stories, and guidance of people of color when critiquing whiteness. It has been fundamental in my own understanding of whiteness. The study of whiteness emerged from Black and African American studies. #fact

Now, I want to talk about why white people have such a difficult time about talking about whiteness with each other. Don’t you love the blame game? When we try and defuse attention away from ourselves by highlighting what another person said or did? Yea, me too! It is so fun to not hold ourselves accountable or responsible, am I right? “Well, you just said blah blah blah. That’s so racist!” Or “You’re the one that said [fill in the blank], I didn’t say it.” Like I mentioned before my absolute favorite is when white people automatically defend themselves, “But…I’m not racist!” Before anyone accuses them of being one. LOL is all I have to say to that one.

So I am just going to put it out there. White people by default are racist. Go ahead and disagree with me. You are more than welcome to. To be honest I do not really feel like going into details on institutionalized racism if you do not already know about it. That is another blog post. And I feel that most people who are reading this blog are already at the level of understanding institutional racism. Although I have not read it I am sure Wikipedia does a fine enough job describing it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institutional_racism if you want a quickie or a review. If you would like to learn more I can guide you to published texts and intellectuals who have PhD’s. Maybe if you do not believe me they can convince you ;)

No, but seriously white people why are we unable to have raw, uncensored, uninhibited dialogue about race & racism? This is a HUGE problem in my opinion. We are so scared about how we will sound (racist), that what we will say will be racist and that everyone will automatically think we are racists before we can “explain ourselves” that it is easier to not talk at all. It took someone saying a very un-pc comment in my Whiteness and Anti-Racism class to get anyone to say anything with some TRUTH behind it. And thank goodness that person broke the ice or else we would have still been fidgeting in our seats acting like we did not read the literature even though we all knew what was up!

That class was comprised of mostly white students with some black students, but from my observations the white students felt more reserved about discussing race in fear of what other white students would think. We did not speak for fear of being wrong or coming across as not comprehending as much as others. I know because that is exactly how I felt. I also thought, what right did I have to speak on this? What do I know? (Maybe subconsciously too the fact that we white students actually knew less about whiteness than our black peers knew about whiteness…More to follow.)

Believe me, I still feel that way many times. Particularly because I know that racism is so subconscious. I can understand how a person of color when reading White Guilt saw my piece as asking for people of color to validate my guilt. Particularly when I said, “So, I am saying we need to talk about White guilt. We need to talk about it with White people. We need to talk about it with people of color.” Speaking honestly I know that I do seek out that validation probably more often than I care to admit to. But, simultaneously I understand how problematic and ineffective that is. Can these juxtapositions exist concurrently? Or are they not allowed to? For me I find it inevitable. How does white people not being able to talk about race & racism with each other contribute to pursuing validation from people of color? I think it speaks to the insecurities white people have around skin color. For example a white person asking, “Why does skin color have to be an issue?” or “I don’t see color.” (I will dive into this a little more in a bit.)

By insecurities I mean guilt, by guilt I mean responsibility, and by responsibility I mean truth. We are not secure (therefore feel insecure) in our social positioning and the [il]legitimacy of how we attained our stature . So, we always feel threatened that we are going to lose it since the attainment was unethical and immoral. (i.e. claims that Barack Obama is not a U.S. citizen. Republicans questioning Sotomayor’s ability to be impartial.)

The biggest clarification that I have to make about the original piece is in regards to offering the guy money. Okay people, I was not implying that because he was black he could not afford to pay for the damages to his car, but I can understand how it came across as that. To go into further details when I got to my parent’s house and explained the accident with my dad (without EVER mentioning to my father that the guy was black) my Dad suggested that because we had failed to get a police report and that the insurance may not pay if I felt that bad I could offer him money. If that statement is to be critiqued at all lets look at it in terms of classism, particularly because my Dad is upper-middle class and can expend money in order to resolve issues. Yes, we can and should look at it in terms of race as well, but I feel that in relation to that exact statement my Dad was not making an assumption that the guy could not afford the damages because he was black since he was not aware of his race. I did not go into those details however so I recognize the confusion. Personally, I did feel partially at fault and for that I felt the impulse to offer him money. On another level eliminating my Dad’s suggestion from the scenario it is totally possible subconsciously I thought because he was black I felt propelled to offer him money either based on class assumptions or acting on my white guilt. It would be unrealistic to deny that as a possibility.

Now to further address some comments/critiques. Heather brought up a great point in her comment. She said, “Part of the problem (on all sides) with racism is that we still see people as their racial identity first - most times based on skin color.” I am going to now refer to my, as Ladi would say, handy-dandy always trustworthy, spiritual reader a.k.a. The Bible of critical race theory (for me at least) Black on White; Black Writers on What It Means to Be White edited by David R. Roediger to break it down. In the introduction Roediger , Professor of History, talks about the dynamics of “ ‘lordship and bondage’ applied to slavery and racial oppression…the slave as living always with the knowledge of the master’s deadly power…The master could afford a lofty ignorance” (7).

Roediger also says “…few Americans have ever considered the idea that African Americans are extremely knowledgeable about whites and whiteness…African-Americans have been among the nation’s keenest students of white consciousness and white behavior” (4).

George S. Schuyler, journalist and author said, “While the average Nordic knows nothing of how Negroes actually live and what they think, the Negroes know the Nordic intimately” (5). Roediger goes on to state that this would “seem very unfamiliar and counterintuitive to most whites” (5).

Toni Morrison, author and professor, argues how the term American implies white American. “Adjectives were necessary only when nonwhite race or ethnicity within the white population had to be indicated” (18). (Side note: I love that. It really hits home.)

Another complexity of whiteness is that white people have had to “learn two lies-that they were white and that America was” (19). In his essay On Being “White”…And Other Lies, James Baldwin one of the greatest experts on white consciousness in the twentieth century, talks about how in fact there is no white community. He says, “No one was white before he/she came to America. It took generations, and a vast amount of coercion, before this became a white country” (178). Continuing he writes, “America became white-the people who, as they claim, “settled” the country became white-because of the necessity of denying the Black presence, and justifying the Black subjugation” (178). This statement is profound, “Because they think they are white, they do not dare confront the ravage and the lie of their history” (180). Meaning that by living out whiteness we are living a lie and in order to do so we must suppress truth in order to sustain the lie that affords us our social positioning.

So going back to what Heather argues, “we still see people as their racial identity first”, well that is because as white people we never have to think about our race, which in itself is a privilege. White people have a choice that I would argue subconsciously leaves us guilty. Our bones know truth. You cannot hide injustice from the spiritual body. I say this because I feel my bones rage when I encounter persisting ignorance and injustice. I feel it on an entire spiritual level that affects my physical body to respond.

Kathleen brought up a great connection that I want to expand on. She asked, “Could white guilt be similar to grief, where it’s never something you get over, you always carry it with you, but you just find ways of finding power within it to work to your advantage?” I never thought about the idea of guilt/grief. Her comparison resonated strongly with me. I responded back to her this; “I also think that grief is a great word to use when talking about whites relation to our past, present and future. How can we not feel at some level, grief? We have failed so many children in the school system, imprisoned so many men and women, and infiltrated drugs into communities tearing apart lives [presently]. On a deeper level I think people DO feel grief although I think others would argue that that isn't possible since our actions persist. Grief isn't a comfortable feeling to sit with or examine either. Overall in this country do we know how to mourn and deal with death and death is ultimately what we're trying to impose onto a people and a culture. Not just Black people or Black culture, but even in other countries with our capitalist and neoliberal values and way of life that we solicit.” Particularly if you look at it from the angle in which Baldwin speaks. To keep believing and living this lie of whiteness there constantly needs to be an “other”. By suppressing feelings of guilt we are unable to acknowledge truth, contributing to the lie, continuing to subjugate the “other”. It creates an almost unbreakable cycle, our inability to recognize disturbing facts that reveal our existence. For this reason I argue that white guilt needs to be addressed. Since whiteness was created to oppress and exploit blackness by choosing to not “see” one’s racial identity is to further accentuate the lie that was formulated to uphold whiteness. Like Baldwin says, “they do not dare to confront it.” It refers to the lie itself, which is whiteness, a social construction to obtain social hierarchies.

But maybe power and desire to possess power outweighs guilt and grief because then people have the power to suppress emotions that prohibit them from final attainment of power.

For those of you who are just beginning to understand whiteness I recommend reading White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh who is white. It is widely accessible via Google. Here though are just a few examples from the text.

• I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
• When I am told about our national heritage or about “civilization,” I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
• I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.
• I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
• I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
• I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world’s majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
• I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, and children’s magazines featuring people of my race.

It is overly idealistic as well as unrealistic to not see someone’s racial identity particularly since whiteness was established based on a white/black dichotomy. Only because whites have racial privilege do we see it irrelevant to talk about race/speak on race.

Heather also writes, “And to be honest, on a personal level, it really pisses me off when you say that by ‘living and breathing you are imposing harm on others. By being I am therefore participating in a system.’ That statement was not meant to piss anyone off. It simply was my truth and I admire her recognition that it impacted her on such a profound level. She felt strongly enough to take the time to vocalize her reaction and respond.

She goes on to say, “The systems we have in place still have a TON of problems and issues that need addressing and fixing when it comes to treating people with equality. But the truth is, no matter how many regulations or laws you put into effect, if people don't do the work on a personal level, society is never going to be completely rid of ignorant, harmful, unfair treatment based on religion, gender, race, age, etc, etc, etc, ETC!!!!!” I would absolutely agree with Heather here. It is clear that we must do the work on a personal level or society will continue to be ignorant and harmful. I am absolutely advocating for white people to do that work. I am glad that we agree that laws and regulations do not fix inequality.

In Whiteness as Property by Chicago-Kent School of Law professor Cheryl Harris explores the complex foundation of our legal system. When colonizers arrived in the United States “Indian custom was obliterated by force and replaced with the regimes of common law that embodied the customs of the conquerors” (105). In summary our entire legal system is built upon “valorizing whiteness” and “codified by law” (106). Point being the legal system is set-up to favor white people so it is challenging to create systemic changes. By doing our own work on a personal level we can effectively introduce change by simultaneously working against the system from within.

I really should wrap this up although I could go on for pages. I want to comment on this however. Heather wrote, “It would be great if we DON'T tell children that because they are this color or that that they have a responsibility to do this or be that...” The truth is we do not have to say anything. Unfortunately the neighborhoods, schools, images in media, etc say it all. How can we “raise children that all possibilities are possible” (quote Heather) when equal access to opportunities is not provided? There is an undeniable historical relevance to the conditions that exist today. This is a fact. Denial is unethical. Guilty as charged. White people have a choice to deal with it or don’t. Ignorance is a choice not a mandate. And I am not asking for anyone to validate this either. TRUTH SPOKEN!

Thoughts on Caster Semenya

Peace,
I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the story of Caster Semenya, the 18 year-old South African runner who, last week was made to undergo “gender testing” amid suspicion that she is not a biological female and therefore, not qualified to run the women’s 800-meter. After winning the race, International Association of Athletics Federations World (IAAF) officials called Semenya’s sex into question due to “her physique an powerful style” that had “sparked speculation in recent months that she may not be entirely female.”

First of all, “gender test”? This term popped out at me simply because I do not understand why the words “gender” and “sex” are still used interchangeably in the English language. Merriam-Webster defines gender as “the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one’s sex.” With that said, I ask, how can you test those!? I’ll be damned if someone calls my learned behaviors into question. On the other hand, “sex” is defined as “either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as male or female especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures.” Even testing sex is, I think, intrusive and should be made illegal. I digress…

Aside from the obvious sexism and absurd assumptions of sex dichotomy (see “Caster Semenya: The Idiocy of Sex Testing”) weaving throughout this story as well as the fact that it brings up the discrimination that intersex and gender variant people face daily, is the racism underlying it all. Did Semenya look more like a female when she registered to run than when she won? Have Black women’s bodies not undergone enough scrutiny for having different bone, body, and muscular structures? My mind raced to Saartjie Baartman of South Africa, whose body was put on display in 19th century Europe. Baartman was better known as the “Hottentot Venus” whose buttocks and labia were a sideshow attraction for European spectators.

This is one of the first examples I can think of of what is called “scientific racism,” where the physical characteristics of people are attributed to other, arbitrary characteristics. Starting with ideas that larger skulls are indications of better capacity for intelligence and not ending with the idea that larger average penis sizes are more indicative of sexual prowess and likeliness to rape (think: the African-American male). Notions like these made by so-called powerful white scientists of the day are what fuel racial profiling today.

Even if it is found that Caster Semenya does have a Y chromosome, the fact still remains that she was targeted for investigation because of her physical features. The question is, why can’t physically strong and athletic Black women simply perform well?

The answer: Because racism and capitalism prevail to destroy the Black female. A conversation for another time!

“A hater can’t stand a motherfuckin’ winner…”-Katt Williams

White Guilt

Before I go any further I want to preface this piece by saying that this is an attempt to speak on subject that is notoriously complex and delicate. The creation of this blog originated from the legacy of truth speaking. When we speak our truth not only does it put us in a vulnerable position, but also holds us accountable to others and ourselves. Truth speaking is fluid and takes on many forms, but the type of truth speaking I am about to embark on is, for lack of a better word, scary. This is my perspective and deconstruction of white guilt. When I say we or us in relation to White people I am referring to a group of people who systemically benefit from privilege based on a social hierarchy that has been established since the creation of the United States. I can only hold myself responsible for any opinions expressed. Inevitably I am going to say something very un-PC, ignorant, or just misunderstood. What I can guarantee though is that a lot of thought is put into what I say and how I say it.

I wanted to write on White guilt because of a personal incident that happened to me last week that left me contemplating what it means to be White in this country (not like that’s a new thought to say the least). I was on my way home, slightly lost, so I pulled over into the entrance of what appeared to be an inactive parking lot. About ten seconds later I feel a car rear-end me. I was shocked. Not only had I literally just pulled over, but I had just received this car as a gift from my cousin who was going to donate it or else I never would have been able to afford it (believe me, I recognize how privileged I am). Because I have such a limited income I pay for the most basic insurance. Since I wasn’t hurt damage to the car is what crossed my mind. Then I looked into the side mirror to peak at the car that hit me. I saw two young, Black men, probably in their late 20’s emerging. “Fuck” was exactly what crossed my mind. Don’t ask me how my mind works. I still am trying to figure that out, because instantly my head went to issues of race and class privileges. In that instant I felt that no matter what happened, despite who’s fault it was or wasn’t, if we had to take this into legal hands I would most likely have the benefit of the doubt. A young White female up against two Black young men if you look at it from a historical perspective on how race works it was not looking good.

Not only was I conjuring up scenarios, but also I thought about how even though I don’t personally have a lot of money or hardly any, I come from an upper-middle class family. Even if I couldn’t afford damages done to the car most likely my parents would probably dish out even though they claim they wouldn’t. And if my parents wouldn’t loan me money I always have access based on my social positioning because of my skin color, class privileges and education level to loans, credit and jobs.

Okay, so this is what crossed my mind basically before I even got out of the car and within the next couple minutes after exiting.

I did not know what to do. Literally, I did not know. I had never been in a car accident before, except for one time when I was 16 or 17 someone hit my bumper right outside my Mom’s work. Nothing had happened and my Mom took care of the procedures. That was about seven years ago so when I found myself in this predicament last week I was stumped.

When I stepped out of my car (after making sure all of us were okay) we assessed the damages. His left light was smashed and the area around it damaged. Somehow my car didn’t even get a scratch. I didn’t even know technically who was at fault. Was it mine for pulling over at some random spot close to the entrance or his for not paying more careful attention to his surroundings? I didn’t want to come off as innocent and wanted to take responsibility, but wasn’t sure how. (Note this line because there is unintentional symbolism to it that I will address further on.) This young man, Marcus, was rightfully upset by the damage inflicted to his car, but did not address his anger towards me. He started saying, “Man, I don’t need this right now. I can’t believe this.” Shit. That’s what I thought. We started talking logistics. Did he have insurance? Yes, full coverage. Okay. Well, I didn’t have to worry as much because nothing happened to my car or me. For that reason I wasn’t sure what else to do. I apologized and explained that I didn’t know what the procedure is for a situation like this. I guess he didn’t either because neither of us thought about calling the police we simply exchanged names and numbers. Maybe that was subconsciously intentional, maybe not. I personally, try to keep the police out of my business as most of the time they’re up to no good and in this instance I didn’t want to be assigned the role as the victimized, innocent white girl and him labeled guilty.

I didn’t even know until after I got to my parent’s house that you are supposed to have a police report for a car accident, no matter how minor. In fact, most insurance policies won’t cover any damages without one. Then I felt worse. Did he think that I did that I didn’t suggest calling the police on purpose? What would happen if his insurance didn’t cover the damages? What if he couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket? I know I wouldn’t have been able to. If he did utilize his insurance his monthly fee would increase and he would be paying more anyway for an incident that was not entirely his fault. How much of what happened was my fault? Maybe I shouldn’t have pulled over right there, maybe I was in the wrong more so. These are thoughts that have been nagging at me since the accident. I thought about calling him and offering him some money. But, how much was appropriate? I don’t have a lot right now so $100 or $200 is the best I could do and that would be stretching it and most likely his damages cost A LOT more than that. But, even though I don’t have a lot of money I always have access to some money in some way. So, I’ll never be starving or homeless, so maybe I should have given him money.

That leads me to a whole other world of thoughts on class and economic privileges. No matter how little money I have I would never label myself poor, but rather broke, I do not come from a cycle of poverty. More than likely in the near future, in a couple of years, I will be middle class. My broke-ness is temporary and also voluntary because I chose to participate in an Americorps program.

Okay, back on track. I cannot help but think that this was ironically symbolic. I know that had a White dude rear-ended me I would have felt bad, but the guilt would never have come up. There is no doubt in my mind. Here I am an anti-racist activist, scholar, multi-racial feminist, all that jazz and it doesn’t mean shit. First of all, this guy that hits me does not know that. He has no clue of all the thoughts that I had. In so many ways it doesn’t even matter. I’m still a White body, my Whiteness posses’ power. In any general situation like this I’m still White, I’m still going to benefit. No we clearly did not go to court for this or get the police involved, but that is not the point. What I am trying to make of this whole situation is as a White person, particularly as an anti-racist activist, what can I do? Really, what can we do? How do we change a system? How do we make it more just? How do I, as a White person who chooses to fight against Whiteness navigate a system in which I benefit? This whole accident would have looked differently and felt differently to me had it been a White guy. We would have been on an even playing field.

So that is one really huge concept that emerged for me. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Defeat. How do I utilize my White body, my White voice, my White privilege? No, but REALLY? Oppressed people did not choose to be oppressed. I choose to go against Whiteness in the ways that I know how and I am still learning, but it will never be enough. Ever. No matter how much I “choose”. Every second of my life I will continue to benefit and no matter how much I try to push up against my Whiteness it will just laugh at me. I am still a part of the problem. I guess in some ways that hurts. It hurts me that I am hurting people I love and care about and innocent people that I have never met. By living and breathing I am imposing harm on others. By being I am therefore participating in a system. Point blank that sucks. It sucks. Although I can listen, learn, and see the struggles of others and understand it in an intellectual and humane way I will still never know. I will never feel, fully, the consequences of being.

I didn’t want to come off as innocent and wanted to take responsibility, but wasn’t sure how.

With all this guilt emerging I really had to look at White guilt that is so prevalent in our country. My particular favorite is when people get really defensive about being labeled a racist even if no one was insinuating that they were. (I always get amused by that one.) My mind went back to Janet Helms’ Stages of White Racial Identity Development that I was introduced to by Becky Thompson, my professor, white anti-racist activist and author, about five years ago when I was just learning about Whiteness. Now, I would consider myself to place between stage five or six (although feel free to comment if you think I am mistaken).

Stage 5: Immersion/Emersion: Actively seeking to redefine whiteness. Focus is on developing a positive white identity not based on assumed superiority, takes pride in active anti-racist stance. Needs support from other whites. (Side note: on developing a positive white identity not based on assumed superiority. How does the car accident work here? I wasn’t trying to imply superiority, but acknowledge reality. I want to explore this complexity further…thoughts anyone?)

Stage 6: Autonomy: Has internalized a positive white identity. Actively anti-racist, engaged in ongoing process of self-examination. Works effectively in multi-racial settings.

But Helms only addresses White guilt in stages two and three.

Stage 2: Disintegration: Awareness of racism and white privilege increase as result of new personal experiences. Feelings of guilt, shame, anger, denial, and withdrawal are common. May desire to take anti-racist action.

Stage 3: Reintegration: Feels pressured by other to “not notice” racism. Feeling of guilt and denial may change to fear and anger towards people of color, “blaming the victim,” for ex. Avoids the issue of racism, if possible.

I would argue, as a White person who feels comfortable in developing a White racial identity, that there is more fluidity to the stages-somewhat. However, I would not say that I am still at stage one.

Stage 1: Contact: Unaware of own “whiteness” and privilege. Sees racism as “individual acts of meanness” rather than as institutionalized system. Attitudes about people of color usually based on stereotypes.

But, because privilege is so embedded into being White it is easy to be unaware no matter what stage one falls at. I do not think that racial identity is a linear process as much as it is circular. Here is the fourth stage;

Stage 4: Pseudo-Independence: Abandoning beliefs in white superiority. Has an intellectual understanding of the unfairness of white privilege, recognizes personal responsibility for dismantling racism. May distance from other whites, and seek out relationships with people of color.

I think that among White people there is a lot of hesitation in addressing White guilt, even those with more advanced awareness and language around it. Many times it is the big elephant in the room where instead of people talking about it they talk around it. Let us be honest. Guilt is really representative of responsibility. To talk about the guilt that we feel we need to become accountable to our actions (even if unintentional) as well as history. Even if you did not participate in slavery. Despite the fact that your ancestors immigrated here after slavery. Got it?

So White people feel guilty, no doubt. But if given the space, the vocabulary, the knowledge to dialogue around this could we alter guilt into responsibility into growth into knowledge into action into progress? What if we let those feelings of guilt emerge and talk about it? Discuss it? Critique it? I’m not implying that we sit down and lament and have a cry fest feeling bad. But, truth is guilt does feel bad and not knowing how to take responsibility in order to reverse and change the system-not knowing what to do and how to do it does not feel that great either. Not knowing how to fix instead of be the problem is crappy.

So, I am saying we need to talk about White guilt. We need to talk about it with White people. We need to talk about it with people of color. It is a truth that we need to speak on. And it hurts. It’s hard. It’s scary. But, it’s problematic if we don’t. It’s going to leave White people feeling isolated from each other and from their responsibility. In my opinion it only results in more disconnect. We won’t come to any solutions or conclusions. I am not saying that there is an intentional resistance by any group or people out there keeping White people from talking. If anything I think that White people hinder themselves from engaging in these discussions. I know I almost did until I talked to Ladi about my hesitation. How would I sound? Would people judge me? She encouraged me to write, for myself, about this issue. I needed to hear that and I also needed to write. I needed to put this out there. So thank you Ladi for your patience and advice. For always holding the necessary space for me.

I want to comment on one last thought. I Googled images of slavery to put at top because the root of our guilt comes from slavery, although we should not forget about Native American genocide either. I was surprised how few of the pictures had White people in them, very few illustrated White participation. That struck me. How detached we are from our past. Who lynched Black men? Who tore families apart? Who allowed and at times facilitated their husbands rape of Black women? We did. When we learn/teach about slavery how do we fail to emphasis that? Slavery was not just an event in time. The actions of White people established a foundation that has influenced our past, present and future. It is okay to talk about that. It is okay to be ashamed of that. Vulnerability might be our only option and most valuable tool to destroy what we built.

I would really appreciate comments, thoughts and critique on this piece.

Gentrification

Before I post this next entry I also want to introduce myself as a new blogger on Speaking Our Truths. My name is Kathleen Peters. I'm a white, New Hampshire-born queer woman who is currently working in New Orleans after graduating from Simmons College in 2008. While I was always interested in women's studies and (partially) aware to the sexism in our society, my awareness to race and class issues didn't begin until I went to college, and even then it wasn't until my last couple of years that it really started to sink in. I tend to get my thoughts out best through writing, yet generally I'm too nervous that I'm going to "get it wrong" when discussing race and class issues to talk about it on a larger scale. I'm finally learning, however, that I will never get it right, that I will constantly learn new things, that others will often correct me and put me in my place when it's needed, and that a little more light will be shed on which way I should be going. So I might as well just start talking rather than constantly being afraid. Just as a personal note with any entries I post, while I know it's no one else's responsibility to teach me, comments are always welcome and appreciated. I'm here to learn as much as I am to share.

The following are my current thoughts on moving into a new apartment and wondering where I fit in with regards to the current gentrification occurring in many parts of New Orleans.

Gentrification

My [insert superfluous gender label here]-friend and I just signed a lease on a place on the border of the 7^th and 8^th ward of New Orleans. As his friend and our boss said when we told them the cross-streets, “Ooh, y’all know that’s a hot corner, right?” The shelter we work at provides volunteer/staff housing in return for taking very low pay rates. That was working out fine for the first few months, however it became evident that living and working with the same group would not last for long, so come summer we started apartment hunting.

I found the apartment we ended up settling on off of Craigslist. It was cheaper and larger than any other one-bedrooms and studios we had looked at before, and the location was perfect – right in between the shelter in the Upper 9th and my second job in Mid-City. The landlord is great and the lease is thorough but fair, so we put down a deposit and signed our names. The only problem is as we were signing it, I couldn’t help but think we were doing damage by moving into that neighborhood. Much of the areas around the 8^th and 9^th wards have already been gentrified, but most of it is still predominantly Black and (increasingly) Hispanic. The shelter’s staff housing is in the Upper 9^th, sandwiched into a block where most of the houses are owned by an extended Black family. The previous shelter managers, who were white, had lived there previously, and when they left the shelter they asked their neighbors their thoughts on making the house a place for volunteers/staff to live. Before staff lived at the shelter, and in an attempt to decrease staff burn-out the directors were looking to create separate volunteer housing. The surrounding family had no problem with the house becoming a place for volunteers, so volunteer housing it became. I had questions in my mind when I first moved there, feeling that I was intruding on a neighborhood/family and remembering the stories of how the area across the street, the Bywater/Marigny, used to be predominantly Black as well. It wasn’t until the last several years, and especially after Katrina, that white artists and hippie folk overtook that area for their own, pushing people of color further into (or in many cases out of) the 9^th ward. I was worried that by (mostly) white volunteers living there we may be adding to gentrification occurring on this side of the street as well.

I reminded myself, however, that we were not tenants who were willing or able to pay high rent rates for this house or who were looking to change the color and/or class of neighborhood. Everything was done under the shelter, and we were shelter staff who were thankful to have a free place to stay in a city that was new to us. The intent for the placement of the house was also one of solidarity, with the idea that if you are working with a community, you should be a part of that community. The shelter did not want its full time staff to be advocating for women and children to live in an area that they themselves would not live in. Our shelter started with Common Ground Relief, the organization who were one of the first to respond to the needs of Lower 9^th ward residents immediately after Katrina, and the organization whose motto is “Solidarity, Not Charity.” Our shelter is working to keep within that mission as best we can, thus we house our volunteers a few blocks away from the shelter.

The worry of intruding on a neighborhood returned, however, when it was no longer the shelter that was renting a house for predominantly white staff in a poor, mostly Black area. It’s now the case of two young white out-of-towners renting an apartment in the same area on their own. To be fair our choices of apartments were limited, for not only was price a factor in where we lived, but also location. The shelter can be a bit of a 24/7 job with a high probability of needing to be there on short notice if an emergency comes up, so the radius of apartments that we could look at was restricted. We could have lived in the Bywater/Marigny, along with most of the other white people in the area, but the apartments were too expensive and many weren’t looking to rent at the time we needed. When we looked at the place we decided on, we discovered the low rent was due to “nobody” wanting to live there due to the dangerous reputation that the area has. Now I won’t lie, while I usually don’t get caught up in the stigma surrounding some New Orleans neighborhoods, personally believing that that stigma is racist and classist in origin, I did think twice about calling the landlord back after our boss, who is Black and has lived in New Orleans all her life, told us how she thought that area was bad news and she worried about us moving there. I want to be open-minded and in solidarity with the community I’m working with, yet I also don’t want to be blatantly naïve and ignore realities if there are certain corners of the city where you don’t want to be. The apartment was empty for six months prior to us moving in because everyone who had come to look at it never came back. After talking with our boss further she said she thought we’d be fine overall, she just didn’t want us going into it completely unaware of our surroundings. However, if we could have afforded to live in another area we probably would have kept looking after that conversation.

But regardless of our financial situation or the safety status of the neighborhood, should we be moving there on an ethical level? Should two white twenty-something-year-olds who have college degrees and could get higher-paying employment but are choosing to live under the poverty line for a job they love (and are gaining much experience from), move into a low-income area where they are potentially taking that space away from a person of color or a person poor not by choice?

Taigi Smith, who wrote “What Happens When Your Hood is the Last Stop on the White Flight Express?” in the anthology Colonize This! Young Women of Color on Today’s Feminism calls gentrification:

“The displacement of poor women and people of color. The raising of rents and the eradification of single, poor and working-class women from neighborhoods once considered unsavory by people who didn’t live there…A money-driven process in which landowners and developers push people…out of their homes without thinking about where they will go. Gentrification is a pre-meditated process in which an imaginary bleach is poured on a community and the only remaining color left in that community is white…only the strongest colors survived.”

This does not describe us. We are not intentionally “bleaching” a neighborhood. We are not moving to a place “once considered unsavory” – it is technically still unsavory, and shocking to everyone we meet when we say where we’re moving to. One Black man who I sat next to on a flight back to New Orleans called me a “very brave lady” with a confused smile on his face when I answered his question of where I live. While he was very polite and friendly, I couldn’t help but wonder what he was actually thinking behind his smile. Was it, “what is this white girl doing moving to that neighborhood for?” Definitely, he as much as told me that in the rest of our conversation. Was he also thinking how naïve this New Hampshirite was for not knowing that area like he did, a native New Orleanian? Possibly. Did his thoughts go so far as “Why is she gentrifying that neighborhood?” Probably not. The area’s not to that point yet. There are other white people living here, but it’s nothing like the Bywater/Marigny or other places further up in the 7^th /8^th ward. Possibly due to the context of our conversation, as well, he did not get from me that I’m some young artist type that is trying to be “trendy” and revitalize the neighborhood. I’m someone who’s working in the neighborhood and just wanting an affordable place to live. At least I hope that’s the impression he got.

Yet regardless of our intention, regardless if Taigi Smith’s definition of gentrification doesn’t necessarily define us, we do fit the profile of those who start gentrification. We don’t make much money, yet we have a high educational background and came from middle-to-upper class families. We’re young and do not have a family that we feel the need to “protect”, thus we don’t mind living in an area that is dubbed as “less desirable” than where we grew up. We frequent the trendy bars and coffee shops in the Bywater/Marigny, and if one popped up around the corner from us in our new place, we’d probably patron them as well, thus encouraging similar establishments to rent property there. This would in-turn draw more attention to the area from other whites and affluent people in other parts of the city, and then a few years later we now have another fully gentrified area that have pushed marginalized groups out to find a new place to call home. That is until another group of people like myself decide they want to live there as well, and the process starts all over again. We’re not intending for any of this to happen, yet we’re aware that it most likely will and that our presence there almost undoubtedly will add to this process occurring.

Should we not move there? There are tons of articles and journals and newsletters out there promoting affordable housing, describing grassroots efforts to keep rent prices from going up when gentrification begins, and attempting new methods for keeping long-term residents in the community while allowing for some more affluent residents to reside as well – a form of compromise with the gentrification beast. And in reality, after thinking about the effect we may have on gentrifying the area, we may make a point not to support a new coffee shop if it’s not locally owned by someone originally from that neighborhood so as not to encourage further signs of gentrification to occur. Yet before it even gets to that point, whether gentrification is inevitable or not, would it be more ethical for us to play no part in it? Should we get jobs that we may not be as happy at but makes more money so that we can afford more expensive apartments and not need to invade poor people of color’s space? In short, would it be better for us to stay in the “white” side of town? I believe segregation is harmful and is one way racism and fear of the Other is perpetuated, and while there have definitely been cases where integration was not beneficial, I want to believe that if there are the right networks in place and there is a community that supports integration, it can be positive. But can you have positive desegregation without the fear of gentrification? Can you have integration without infiltration? Is it better to come from the other side, with people of color choosing to move into typically affluent, white areas if they want instead of white people forcing integration upon poor people of color? Am I wrong altogether in thinking that integration is positive?

We have the lease for six months and then we can re-evaluate if we want to stay. Maybe being in the area longer and getting to know the city a little better will tap us into community efforts to fight for affordable housing, and perhaps being involved in that will cancel out any potential harm we’re doing by moving there. Yet we’re already outsiders to this city, an issue I go back and forth on every day: whether it is even ethical for me to be working here in the first place. Perhaps there are enough disaster-junkie transplants here who want to get their “New Orleans fix” before moving on. That’s not to undermine the work that people not native to New Orleans have done and the care they do it with. But there are also a lot of out-of-towners that are just here for the crisis-rush, make too much noise and take up too much space, push people from New Orleans out of the positions they should really be holding, and then get offended when people call them out on it. Would we getting involved in affordable housing community organizing be another type of that same invasion? It’s bad enough to invade a neighborhood in the community that you’re originally from, but to invade an area you’ve only lived in for a short time, then leave a year or so later where others now have to fight a battle you helped fuel? That’s gotta be worse.

My friend talked to an old professor of his, who also helped start the shelter, about this issue of gentrification and what part we may be playing in it. Ultimately the conclusion his professor came to was that if we were attempting to work in solidarity with the community around us, it would be ethical for us to live there. That's the conclusion I believe I'm coming to as well, but still part of me can't help but wonder if intent isn't enough. Sure I'm intending to work in solidarity, but does that mean I actually am? Sure I'm not intending to further gentrify the neighborhood, but does that mean I won't add to it eventually? This could get into the issue of solidarity in general and if that type of activism and social justice work can even exist, but that's another essay for another time. I just hope I'm not inadvertently hurting the community by moving there. I suppose only time will tell.

An introduction

Peace everybody,
I want to introduce myself a little bit before I introduce my work. My name is Amanda Ali. I am a Black, radical, able and female-bodied, queer, Muslim feminist born and raised in the Franklin Field section of Dorchester, Massachusetts. I’ve been blessed. My rough upbringing juxtaposed against stellar educational opportunities afford me a unique perspective on life.

After leaving the Boston Public School system at eleven years old, the culture shock of private school in Wellesley, Massachusetts hit hard. Moving into dormitories three years later only made me angry. Racism and privilege at the school hardly provided a sound environment for personal development as did neither of my parents' homes. My external communication concerning emotions stunted while my internal voice flourished onto paper.

Four years at Williams College gave me a critical analysis of my experiences as a young, queer, Black woman in America; my writing often taking a dark tone to reflect this understanding.

Now, as a published poet, community organizer and MSW candidate, I am learning every day new ways to cope, new ways to learn and teach and new ways to speak. I hope ultimately to have an influence on youth from similar backgrounds and to be a resource for my community.

By day, I am a health professional; by evening, an organizer, spoken word artist and activist and by night, I am a poet and writer.  I am a full-time critical thinker whose work is meant to be read aloud. It speaks to the root causes of the isms and prejudices that surround us all and has previously been published in the online poetry magazine, Breadcrumb Scabs and La Sagrada, the 2009 Zine from the Mujeres de Maiz.

Below are some pieces that I recently read with a group of women from the urban neighborhoods of Boston doing great community work called Reflect and Strengthen.

Politikin’ Personal Politics

If you are a person
everything is personal.
But when systems started putting our personage on blast
the personal became political.
And since their politics have been involving my clitoris since before I knew what to call it
and before they built slave ships,
my personal is always political.
My skin color has been up for grabs since we got here.
And even if people of color leave now, white men’s politics will still dictate where we can go.
And even if you “have no color,”
the politics of that
state that
you have the privilege
to say that.

So if you are a person,
then everything should be political.
So I politik my politics to those melanated people who think that politics don’t concern them
even though they come from a White House.
And I make sure that those colorblind who don’t have to pick a side
step aside until they figure their shit out.
I don’t make mundane conversation political.
The politics are already in ideology
I just name it.

Therefore,
everyone should be active,
everyone should be pissed
about everything that we don’t have access to
and take it.


1 4 the Times

I live in a police state.
and so do you.
streets are war zones.
mobilize the youth.
make aware the generations
much older than you.
we must awaken the people
this war will consume you.

We are the victims!
We are the martyrs!
We are the soldiers!

Heat.
The heat from the sun beats down on the people in waves.
Agitated we
use our landscape
to take each other down.

Angry
there’s no food
Angry
there’s no air
Angry
bombs drop everywhere
and we
end up
homeless.

Combat.
Sweat meets brow as we
hand-to-hand,
gun-to-chest
kill each other.
And we die slowly on the pavement,
blood runs into sewers
in churches,
minds run away from grief
panic meets artery
on wooden slabs of pew
spirits die too.

Pigs with M16s
mean
war.
Urban warfare,
we should be the guerillas
but are gorillas
mis-identifying our enemies.

I live in a police state.
and so do you.
streets are war zones.
mobilize the youth.
make aware the generations
much older than you.
we must awaken the people
this war will consume you.

we already grow up too fast
waving childhood good-bye at nine
becoming soldiers on patrol
protecting our young and our youth.

constantly under attack
our
man and womanhood
lives and livelihood
and yet, we strive to get out the hood.

I asked for advice
about what we should be doing
I was told to be putting bombs
inside the subway systems
snipe on top of skyscrape buildings
if we’re gonna be guerillas

patrol our own streets
watch for the common enemy
wiping tears over our blood
shed
after seeing gore too early.

war wounds still oozing
pain
carrying our dead on our backs
backed up by
our Somalian family
our Liberian family
our Palestinian family…

militarizing our neighborhoods
in our favor
violence is in our blood
spilling onto our culture

gun recycling
it’s time to fry bacon
and recycle the oil
to keep our lanterns burning
in vigil
reuse the fat to make new candles
new culture
of community policing
we belong to each other.

I live in a police state.
and so do you.
streets are war zones.
mobilize the youth.
make aware the generations
much older than you.
we must awaken the people
this war will consume you.

This Work

Don’t ask me why I do this work.
I do this work because nobody’s fighting for the wholeness of Dorchester.
They give us shots and pills,
but no one seems to get better.
Because our breasts are infected,
they rip out our wombs,
and feed us chain food toxins
strategically.
I do this work because where you live still determines how long you’ll live.

Because mothers having children they can’t afford is a symptom of a bigger problem. Because brothers locking themselves up in the winter says there’s something wrong with the system.
Because everyday, there’s a girl with no love at home,
meets a man she thinks is cool
and decides to have a child of her own.
And we elders calls her stupid;
Not realizing that we are who failed her.
Unable to give the support she needs
because we’re not getting it ourselves—
The cycle.

I do this work to break it;
To let people know that their problems
are our problems.
That their burdens come from a larger system,
and that their pain
comes from the pain of those before them.
I do this work because we are so detached from our bodies that we do not care what we put in them.
Because the links between mind, body and soul have been lost but might be the key to our salvation.
Because empowerment begins at the heart
but our actions are in our hands.
So when will self-worth become valued within our movement?

I do this work because I speak up and tell my truth,
and for it I get called a bully, a bitch, a dyke
and a whore for looking good while doing it.
I’m arrogant for defending my convictions,
Because I know my worth and use it.
I do this work because I cannot dress up and be taken seriously.

“O you accursed women who make men rape you
Make men hate you
Because you speak like they do
And do not apologize.”
That is the curse of competence.

I do this work for my past, present and future.
I do this for my friends, family, blood relation and extended.
I do this work for the ones who can’t,
don’t know they should
or simply refuse to,
I do this for me, he, she, ze, in between and most of all
I do this work
for you.

Junkyard

can you see me?
can you see beyond what you think you see?
we being robots
trained to perform
trained to be
what we see

feeling nothing
not knowing who we are
copying carbon copies
outlining ourselves

follow command
reject the hand
see no clearer
be the mirror

blocking the stage for each day
carrying out the divine design

each morning,
risen to find
mirror images
reflecting the malfunction
body betrayal when the Ace Bandage
slips
do you know how to tie down D’s?
does it matter?

hard drive damaged
emergency:
shut down

switch roles
create new life
ignorant pupils
gaze
disconnect
live wires
start a fire
to
unplug

i hear the echoes
i'm calling myself


seeing reverberations
amalgamations
hearing reflections of pieces
that work

searching,
looking
uncovering, digging, calling, wanting
the whole
calling out to the clothes,
the hair,
the face
who are you today?
made up for you
today

some
things only fit parts
some
times
and in some
places

can you put a butch spin on hijab?
what do I have?

can you see me?
can you see beyond what you think you see?
we being robots
trained to perform
trained to be
what we see

feeling nothing
not knowing who we are
copying carbon copies
outlining ourselves

follow command
reject the hand
see no clearer
be the mirror

choreography
that matches the leader
what are you wearing?
what did you say?
sit up straight
carry the weight
of who you're not

cherry-picking stance
magnificate
to assimilate
to feel half-way-there
queer
to say the least
part-tamed beast
came to me in a dream,
free

defined by anatomy
used against me
performing cunnilingus
with cunning linguals
shut the fuck up
and genderfuck for fun
words mean nothing

what do you get when the fitted won’t fit
but the heels hurt
and the bra is scratchy?

awake to a new day
unearth another piece
the beast still calls me
nuts and bolts
hold
together
Tin Man butter
junkyard

can you see me?
can you see beyond what you think you see?
we being robots
trained to perform
trained to be
what we see

feeling nothing
not knowing who we are
copying carbon copies
outlining ourselves

follow command
reject the hand
see no clearer
be the mirror